Siblings Visit!

My sister Patricia (once known as Pat, now called Trish, thanks SNL - not) and brother Mark (known as "Mr. Cheetah" to some) were down for a visit from July 21 to 28. They enjoyed the new pool, stained most of the new fence, and spent a lot of time on the new deck. They also got to see the newest family member, Andrew, who was back from his Saskatchewan tour.

Mark is a year, a month and a day younger than me. Trish (the baby!) just turned 50. Mark lives in Minnedosa, Manitoba, and Trish in Portage la Prairie.

Here they are at the side of the pool. Trish is wearing one of my bathing suits, my wrap, and my straw hat. Just like at home! Except this time I offered. Mark is wearing his new straw hat. Very southern planter.

I sure miss them. The house seemed lonely after they left.

Being a Grandmother

My sister and I were talking on the phone today about being a grandparent. You notice all kinds of things about the baby that you never had time to sit back and enjoy or reflect on when you were a parent yourself. Then, you were simply reacting.

Andrew is nearly 12 pounds at one month old. His attention span for faces and interaction has grown considerably, and he was a very alert baby right from birth. His hungry cry is so distinctive! I remember hearing that babies often have different cries for hungry, dirty, tired etc. I never noticed any difference, except for the tired cry. But when Andrew is hungry, he cries out, "Au lait! Au lait!" (sounds like Oh la! Oh la!). Val and I laugh that he's obviously a francophone.

He is already doing the flirty baby eye contact with his mom when feeding. That is so touching to see! It made me tear up. He is a sweet little guy. This picture is from April 15, just before his one-month birthday.

Andrew Jack Michael!

On Sunday, March 18, Valancy went into labour. She called me early in the afternoon to say that she'd dreamed that she'd given birth, and that when she got up, she had a bit of "show". She said that she thought that something might happen that day. She also felt a few contractions that later stopped; so she wasn't sure. She called later on that afternoon to let us know that they'd decided to keep a dinner date with friends, since "not much" was happening.

An hour later, they were back at home. She's started having regular contractions at the friends' home. So now they were timing them, to see when they should go to the hospital. I said we were just about to have supper (roast beef). Val called again to say they were heading to the hospital. We ate supper in record time and headed into Ottawa. Val and Dave had arrived at 8:00 pm; we arrived at 8:30. Val's contractions were already only 3 minutes apart! No one had checked her cervical dilation yet, although a resident had come to inquire, but gone away because Val was in the middle of a contraction. Valancy was wondering what stage she was at, so after I time I asked if they would please check her. She was already 8-9 cm!

They decided to move Val to a birthing room, so Mike went off to the waiting room. Valancy was quite nervous and shaky to begin with, but as she became used to the contractions and knew what to expect, she became much more confident and focussed. Mike said "It looks like it will be a long night." I said, "I don't know - I'm betting 11:25 pm."

As labour began in earnest, the nurse and I each held a leg as Dave supported Val's head and shoulders, and encouraged her
quietly. She was amazing! I couldn't believe how fast things were progressing, for a first baby. She was pushing really well, and had quite the time in refraining from pushing when asked. The doctor, Dr. Caughey, suggested an episiotomy, but Valancy and David conferred and she refused it. They had hooked Valancy up to an IV, but Valancy had somehow dislodged it. She had no drugs for pain. I held and then relaxed her leg, sometimes supporting both legs while the nurse attended to other things. The nurses joked that they had done "all the paperwork" for March 18. It was 11:50.

It took a while for the baby to "turn the corner" and "rock" around the pelvic bone. I watched in awe to see his head starting to crown. He had hair! Because Val's water had not seemed to break, the nurse and doctor had masks handing in case of splashing when the baby was born. Then at one minute after midnight, little Andrew Jack Michael burst into the room. There was no splashing. It was an amazing sight. My heart felt almost too full. He looked sooo perfect! No cone head, no bruising. He was looking around, checking us out! Amazing. I thanked God. It is a humbling experience. Andrew gave a throaty little cry.

The doctor took Andrew off and wiped him down, but he really didn't need much wiping. She said to him, "I'd sure like to hear another throaty cry like that last one!" Andrew complied, and she smilingly lifted him aloft in triumph. What a doll!

They weighed him - the digital scale said "8 39" in red numerals. Then he was off to Mummy and Daddy. Doesn't Mama look just like the cat who swallowed the canary? Two gorgeous creatures!

Welcome to the family, our beautiful, beautiful boy!

Adam Art

It's fun to be able to pretty Adam Cartwright up, electronically. This is a "fresco" effect. This is from the episode, "My Brother's Keeper", where Adam accidentally (yeah, right) shoots Joe and then Joe is attacked by a wolf. It really wasn't Joe's day, because, after Adam hauls him home (Joe's good-for-nothing pinto, Cochise, ran away), then Adam has to play surgeon and cut the bullet out from under the bone in Joe's shoulder. Adam is a straight-laced sort of fellow, and doesn't even give Joe any whiskey to kill the pain. Nope, Joe gets to tough it out by chewing on a stick.


My husband likes this picture of Adam:

"Adolf Cartwright. The one they kept in the basement. Kept setting fire to the barn."

Jebeneezer!

Wow!
In July, Valancy and David told us that we were going to be grandparents!
And now we know that Val is expecting a little boy.

You can check out Valancy's news at: http://reynolds.typepad.com/the_reynolds/
and
http://zazzy.typepad.com/dailymeow/

They are having trouble coming up with a name.

Dave suggested Jebadiah or Ebeneezer. This became Jebeneezer, which we are starting to call him as a nickname. Valancy prefers names that start with a vowel.

Mike has already bought Jebeneezer two stuffed horsies! One from the V&S store in Almonte, and one from the Lippizanzer Stallions show we saw on November 12. I have bought him a cozy zippered sweater from Old Navy -couldn't resist - it was the only one.

Valancy is feeling good and starting to to show a bit of a tummy. So cute!

A New Obsession

Something weird happened to me this summer.

I made a birthday card for my younger sister that featured Michael Landon as "Little Joe" on Bonanza. She always liked the harmless "pretty boys": Michael Landon, Davy Jones, Paul McCartney, David Cassidy.

I, on the other hand, liked the intellectuals. The men who weren't reticent about their opinions. They had their own values and lived up to them, rightly or wrongly. Adam Cartwright. Palladin. John Lennon.

I liked "Adam Cartwright" best. In looking up "Little Joe" for my sister, I rediscovered Pernell Roberts. To me, he epitomized the penultimate man: thoughtful, intelligent, certain, passionate, strong, brave, virile.

I have started taping Bonanza episodes. I watch Adam over and over. I have started dreaming about him. I collect his pictures. I know that no real human being can ever really be Adam Cartwright. But I think men should aspire to be him!

Pernell Roberts is 78 years old. His son, who died in a motorcycle accident, was born before me. He is the only survivor of the original cast of Bonanza. I find that very sad. I hope he is healthy and lively. I have a major crush on his 30-something ghost. I wish men were all like he was.

Is this menopause????

Jan Holdaway

This is me in July of 1974.

I'm standing at the side of a road in North Dakota, on my way to Lake Metigoshe. I'd promised Hans' little brother, Bodo, to take him camping there (Hans had died). My friend Denise Korski took the picture; we were waiting for her then-boyfriend Zeke to return with his truck, as only three people could ride in the cab and he went back across the border to pick up Bodo.

I'd met Mike the night before this picture was taken. Mike recalls that the band that night was playing "Rikki Don't Lose That Number" from Steely Dan's new album, Pretzel Logic. I think I am wearing the same clothes, more or less! I have a bandana around my neck (the night before, I'd worn a silky paisley bandana on my head - what I think they would now call a "do-rag". The hat was a good idea - it was sunny! I have Denise's sweater - which I don't think I ever returned.

I don't look like a girl who just met the man she was going to marry. Mike called me that weekend again, but I was away camping and he spoke to my sister (who would often pretend to be me when guys called - but this time she didn't, thank God.

Wish I still had the legs!

RUDY 1987-June 9, 2006 - My Sister's Queen Cat

My sister Pat's oldest cat, Rudy, died on Friday night at 11:55 pm. Pat was stroking her fur.

She had been getting progressively sicker: not eating, and then not drinking. So she took herself to her favourite spot (the top of the old clothes dryer in the basement) and rested on a blanket. Pat kept a tea-light burning and kept the light off. As she was replacing the tealight, she found one that was already partly burned down - and then thought that perhaps Rudy would go out with the candle. So she found a full one. Sure enough - when Rudy drew her second-last, deep breath, the candle sputtered, then went out before the last breath.

Pat called Rudy her "Grief-less cat" - no messes, no getting caught in cat-traps, no dead birds or rodents on the doorstep.

My Daisy passed away last year and was also the "Queen Cat" of our house.

Here's to Queen Cats and Cat Lovers everwhere.

Spring Rain

Wonderful for the garden, but the rain on the weekend keeps us inside.
Today, we experimented with photos, hung up the ribbon spool holder Mike made me, and a number of black and white photographs. I usually hate pictures of myself, and am always making a face. However, by using artistic filters in Adobe, I don't look quite so static, wrinkled or pudgy. I have not coloured my hair since March of 2005, and really like it. It's more me.

At work, there have been many changes. Our Deputy Minister left last week, and we now have a part-time one. Since the Directors General are also relatively new and from organizations that are not exactly people-oriented, it has been an uphill battle against varying degrees of depersonalization of operations and some outright disrespect for us "touchy-feely crap" types (their perception). It is difficult to maintain the equilibrium and compassion necessary for the work. I have not been affected as deeply as some, but then, I've been around a long time. I was re-engergized somewhat this week by attending the resumption of the United Church-initiated Roundtable on Truth and Reconciliation. It helped me refocus and remember what it's all about.

Mike continues to be healthy. His PSA count after radiation was about the same as it was 3 months before treatment began. We were depressed about that until Mike did a graph of his PSA counts over the past year. They had been on a steady rise, and had started to climb more steeply. However, the counts plateaued from October of 2005 to March of 2006. The radiation oncologist told him that prostate cancer grows very slowly, and that after radiation, the cancer cells don't die until they try to divide. That interruption in their growth appears to mean that the radiation targeted the right area and had some effect. His next PSA test is scheduled for July.

On the May long weekend, we planted a lot of perennials. Nowadays, it takes me a week to recover! But they have all taken very nicely, even the seeds and the root of astilbe. We planted more lilacs across the back, peonies, bleeding heart, hollyhocks, delphiniums, foxglove, cosmos, morning glories, day lilies, columbine, sweet peas, portulaca, phlox and baby blue eyes. There were already some lilacs and lily of the valley. My lilacs were glorious while they lasted - and I cut many for vases around the house. The scent was nostalgic.

My Home Office

I spend a lot of time in this room, on the computer, editing and printing photos, doing crafts and scrapbooking. Mike installed some new shelves and a paper rack on one side of the closet. I use the other side for storing off-season dresses.

The formica table was from the old farm. It was new in 1968, I think. The corner desk was one that we'd bought for Valancy in her university days to use in the dining room. The printer table is actually an old TVand stereo stand, with a rack that held LPs and tape cassettes.

This room had been a child's nursery; the walls were tan and with sage green beadboard as a wainscotting. I painted the beadboard glossy black and the walls pale yellow. I haven't got around to hanging my B&W photos in B&W frames yet.

The light here is great for most of the day. There are two six feet high windows with decent sills, and another just outside the door. It is pleasant and roomy; warm in winter and cool in the summer. The wide-plank pine floors are easy to clean and allergen-free - except for the odd bit of glitter!

Key West Truck

I have been looking through my digital pictures and printing a few, such as this one taken in May 2005 at Key West, Florida. I have a series of B&W photos that I want to hang in my office in black frames with white mats. Lacking such frames, I printed this in sepia to go into a cream-matted frame. The truck in this one is actually a vivid turquoise, very Florida, which is why I took it at the time. But now this photo looks like it could have been taken in the 40s. I like the detail of the palms and the bridge reflection in the truck window, although the truck itself could be in better focus. Maybe Hemingway could walk into this picture. Although I never cared much for Hemingway, I discovered that he liked cats, so he couldn't be all bad.

 

Uh, gee - thank you?

Today I was at a scrapbook store, and they were selling off their older paper racks because they didn't fit new papers that are bigger than 12X12 inches. The racks have 30 slots. So I bought one, and waited for Mike to show up (he'd gone to wash the car - scrapbook places are not places men hang out, unless there's free beer).

So I see him pull up and get out of the car. I go out the door, carrying this big thing. He runs up to meet me and says, loud enough for another woman to hear:

"Wow! You got a big rack!"

I started laughing right away - took him a few secs...

Finished!

Mike finished his radiation on Thursday, two doses short because of side-effects that concerned his doctor.
He is so perky today!
He will still have to stay home for a bit. I was working from home and going into the office when he had his radiation treatments each day. Now I'll have to brave the traffic alone.

I'm looking forward to Mike getting his strength back. He was so tired that the one-time insomniac was taking naps daily and still going to bed early. Plus, he has to avoid insoluable fibre, so our diet has taken a bit of a hit. I didn't realize that we ate so many whole grains and vegetables until we started cooking without them.

On with life!

ELECTION? Oh, I thought you said...

An old in-joke between Mike and I.

Today, we voted and will await the results tonight.

As a public servant, I don't believe the public service should be politicized. A good, traditional public servant should support and further the people's will. Consequently, I have worked for and voted all kinds of ways in municipal, provincial, and federal elections. A government needs to be changed when it begins to narrow its agenda too much, when it politicizes public institutions, or when there is corruptions and a sense of entitlement to other peoples' money. The federal Conservatives were soundly and rightly turfed out of public office in 1993, and the current government is in need of just such a humbling. Both governments were out of touch with pressing needs 50 km west of Ottawa. The century has turned; the country is no longer just a French/English, Catholic/pagan mix.

And if a new government can shake up this ancient status-quo, we will be better off. On the other hand, if they too need humbling at a later date, it shall be done.

Radiation Begins

Mike started his 34-session series of radiation treatments on January 18. The radiation technologist took a series of pictures for us; this is one of them. They are very nice there.

Mike is feeling positive and optimistic now. The first day (whenb this picture was taken) we had to drive in through a blizzard and freezing rain - then once into town, Mike realized he had forgotten his wallet, so he dropped me off at work and went back to get it, thinking that they wouldn't take him if he didn't have his health card. Well, when we got there, he offered it and the woman said, "Oh, that's OK - we've got you all set up."

Got some good news yesterday; my former boss, who has liver cancer, is doing much better.

We have cleaned up all the Christmas decor, and are back to normal at home. Huge snowfall today.

Monday, January 24 is the Canadian election. We do need a change in government; having been closer to the top these few years, I can't believe that it has become so wasteful. That happens with nearly every government. As a non-partisan public servant, I have seen this many times before. It will happen to a new government eventually, too, but fresh blood is required.

Getting Ready for Christmas

The tree went up last weekend - Mike's 52nd birthday. I gave him the book A Team of Rivals, and he's been reading it this week, when he has time out from snow-clearing.

I've been wrapping birthday gifts, Christmas gifts, decorating, shopping, and baking. The first set of cookies came out today: bachelor buttons, which are basic cookies with walnuts, coconut, green and red glazed cherries. They are Mike's favourites. Next on the list are chocolate hazelnut tassies and shortbread.

Mike was measured and tattooed on Tuesday at the Cancer Centre for his radiation treatments which will likely start around the end of January and go for 7 and one-half weeks. He now has little X's on his hips and stomach. He was too shy to ask for anchors on his forearms! I wish he didn't have to go through it.

We are now off work until January 3, 2006. This is the first Christmas that I have taken time off in a long time. The last few years were awful anyway, so I can't say that I missed being at home. I am getting over the memories of bad Christmasses finally. This move has been a good thing that way. So much here reminds me of happy childhood Christmas! And I am fortunate in that I can help make others' Christmas happier.

Bits and pieces of the last week

I found a fun web site that compares your pictures to those of celebrities:

http://www.myheritage.com/FP/Company/tryFaceRecognition.php?s=1&u=g0&lang=EN

Wasted plenty of time on that one tonight.

We went to visit my friend Paige after work and took her a Christmas decoration that we picked up for fun: a lighted, inflatable Santa. Paige used to be our landlady; we became friends when we worked together. I'm still hoping that she moves out here - she grew up around this area, after all. It was fun taking pictures of the Santa (who looks like a friend of hers!). Will post one later.

Had lunch last week with one of my former computer students, Jamie (I've had all kinds of weird and different jobs - a change is as good as a rest). He has just broken up with the latest girlfriend. He always says that life is so complicated, and thinks I'm rather naive because I say it's not. I set him up with a girlfriend from work once - and another time took along my friend Paige to a bar he was playing at (part time musician), to see if there was interest; all unsuccessfully. I have a 0 for 500 batting average at matchmaking, but an abiding interest in it. Anyway, turns out he's moved in on the same street as girlfriend from work. Heh heh heh. Jamie and I can talk for hours; he rants, I am more philosophical. We worked together in 1995 or 1996 for 4 months. I am in touch with most of my former students from that time, but mostly him and Suzanne (who I adore). He is more my age (42) although I had to get used to that since because he was a student back then I took him to be much younger (early 20s, and he was 32). No doubt I talked down to him off and on. He didn't seem to take offence.

My boss announced that he's leaving for a bigger department, will be the Director General of Social Policy. I will miss him a lot. Marilyn and I cried when he told us. He'll be gone after I return from my first Christmas vacation in years.This will be cause for much future disruption, I'm certain.

Old Poetry

In the interests of posting something....
This is really old...mine.
I was so intense. I won't post the really bad stuff, it's too ineptly derivitive of Bob Dylan and Bruce Cockburn! Or worse.

- - - - - - - - - -

There is a knowing anguish
in his manner;
consciously manipulated
in his many facial portraits.
His fingers move crippled
through his hair like broken stems,
reflecting tragedy, while
the mask below contrives comic relief.

- circa 1974

- - - - - - - - - -

Your guitar is the moon
In your fingers.
Your music not played,
But devoured.
And I helplessly listen
In rapture,
Moving rhythmically
In nervous jealousy.

- circa 1974

- - - - - - -- -

I have seen the mocking lights
forever gliding through rotten snow
red and white
shadows on blackened walls.
Waiting at my window
thinking it is raining
but it is not.

I have seen the cautious eyes
searching the concrete, but not with me.
They say that songs
are not like real life.
Waiting at my window
not seeing the days through -
it’s not so.

I have seen the Silent Night
and baptized it with my own eyes.
I have watched the Light
go out with day.
Waiting at my window
for the return of One
who did not.

- circa 1974

- - - - - - - - -

Sunlight

Sunlight through the trees
Sprinkling on the lawn
Shattered glass
Forever falling
In glittering silence.

- circa 1971

Christmas Cards and Miscellaneous

I've been making Christmas cards - about seventy in all over the last while. These are samples. I haven't sniffed so much glue since Grade School. At least I'm not eating it...so far. Amazing what can be done with paper, scissors, paper clips, cotton balls and ribbon scraps. The Onion had a funny pseudo-news item last week on the pitfalls of "Glitter Lung" (pneumosparklyosis) among elementary school art teachers. I know the symptoms. The embossing powder is the worst!

The Canadian election campaign is in full swing. The government has handed out billions of dollars - or rather, promised to hand out billions of dollars. So far, the most fun has been on Rick Mercer's blog:

http://rickmercer.blogspot.com/


People have been Photo-shopping their little hearts out.  Check it out!

I Hate Prostate Cancer - Reprise

Mike and I went to meet with the radiation oncologist on Thursday December 8. His PSA lveels in his three month check-ups had been about .08 for a year (with one zero) then this summer it went to .09. His test in October was .13. That's when he was referred to the oncologist and sent for more tests: bone scans, CAT scan, chest e-ray, blood work.

The nurse who came in first immediately told him his PSA result from November (one month after the October one): "Your PSA is .16, that's good!" I guess for men who are more advanced, that IS good. For us it was bad news.

The oncologist, Dr. Kendall, has recommended radiation. There was a small mark on one of Mike's ribs - Mike asked if it was there in the 2003 scan. Dr. Kendall said, "Smart question, actually, yes it was, and it has not changed." Therefore we all believe it is just a leftover reminder of some klutzy move on Mike's part once upon a time. The bone scans show up old breaks and injuries. The prostate bed itself looked fine - whatever is there is likely still around there and very tiny.

So, sometime after Xmas, Mike will start radiation treatments for 7.5 weeks, Mon-Fri. He feels good about though. At least it's doing something to attack the thing. I am so glad he has a positive attitude about it. I think that's as important as anything. He will likely be able to work through the first part - afterwards you apparently get quite fatigued. And the radiation at the time is painless, although it can leave a "sunburned" skin and cause damage to the rectum (because the prostate bed is right behind it. This can be healed on its own or repaired. No urinary incontinence, but the doctor told him that the radiation will likely "finish him off down there" as far as impotence goes. But at least no hormone treatment is recommended - Mike's more terrified of that than anything.